Frederick M. Hueston, PhD 

Stone Care Consultant

For those of you who came and visited me at StonExpo, I gave you a card with my photo on it and the beginning of a story.  Little did I know that the story would write itself and turn into a real Stone Detective mystery. Here is how the story started:   

It was a cold and stormy night, the kind of night that makes you glad the day is behind you. The heater in the ole Woody had been acting up all day, so I was glad to finally sink into my Naugahyde Barcalounger in front of the fire, with a glass of scotch and a good “whodunit” book I had been looking forward to starting.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Damn, I thought, I should just ignore it, but then I remembered that dame I’d given my phone number to and thought, well, who knows?    

“Yeah,” I said in my deepest, manly voice, “this is the Stone Detective.” The voice on the other end was almost crying. It was a real annoying cry, kind of reminded me of those Sally Struthers ads, where she is whining about feeding the hungry kids of the world.  

She continued on about some strange pink stains that were appearing on her marble floor. I told her was getting ready to head out to StonExpo in Las Vegas and wouldn’t be back for a while. She said, or should I say cried, “Great,

I live in Las Vegas and I can bring a sample to the show with me, since my husband is in the stone business.” I said fine and thought she would never show up, anyway.

I arrived at my hotel in Las Vegas and was lucky that I got a really nice suite overlooking the strip. I looked down the strip and thought, this little town sure has changed since my friends from the Rat Pack days.

I was excited to be here, as always, and looked forward to the start of StonExpo the next day. I unpacked, turned on the tube and settled in for the night.

I arrived at the main hall to StonExpo and was amazed at how busy the show was. There were people everywhere. I made my way over to the booth where I was to meet some of my fans, set my briefcase down, and no sooner turned around and there she was.

She was tall, with thick, black hair and a body that would make Wayne Newton sing “Danke Schoen” if he had married her. She was holding a 12˝ x 12˝ piece of Crema Marfil that appeared to have a pink stain on it. This must be the dame I talked to on the phone, and here she was, waiting for me on the first day of the show.  

I no sooner said, “Hi,” and introduced myself, that she started in with that whiny voice about her pink stain. I just sat there and smiled, nodding my head as she whined on and on. As she was talking, I noticed others who were also waiting to talk to me.  I tried to hurry her on, but she kept talking and talking. 

I took the sample tile from her hand and looked at it, then told her that I would need to have it tested. She asked if I could come over to her house in Henderson to take a look at the floor. I hesitated, and until she batted those baby blues at me, I said, “Yes, I can come over tonight and take a look.”

The rest of the show that day was great! I met lots of fans and answered tons of questions, and really enjoyed my time with everyone. Now, back to the lady with the pink stain.

I was finishing dinner with some friends when my cell rang. You guessed it, it was “Sally” wondering if I was coming over tonight or not. I had had a few drinks and really didn’t want to go, but I thought it would be the only way to shut her up. I excused myself and headed to the ole Woody for the ride to Henderson.

To be continued next month. It’s a doozy, so don’t miss it!

The Stone Detective is a fictional character created by Fred Hueston, written to be entertaining and educational. He has written over 33 books on stone and tile installations, fabrication and restoration and also serves as an expert for many legal cases across the world. You can send any email comments to him at fhueston@stoneforensics.com